there is a time...

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."

- ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I've always understood this passage, and understood that everything and anything undergoes different seasons. As of late in the past few months or so, I've come to realize this reality in some of my close friendships. And it's kinda funny cuz as much as I've understood that there is a time and season for everything it doesn't make it easier for me. Being completely open, I'm not all that great with change. I know I blogged at the beginning of the year that I'm seeking to be changed and transformed, and I still want that, though I never said anything about it being easy or something that I'm completely comfortable with. Anyway, back on topic... change... I'm not all that great with it, as I know many people who aren't as well. It's like when you get useta something it changes on you. Sometimes the changes are good, sometimes not so good.

So back to the whole seasons of friendship thing. I know from first-hand experience that friendships undergo many seasons... there are many ups and downs, highs and lows, and you're not always gonna be close with the same person at all times. There is an ebbing and flowing that happens... there are seasons in which you are uber -tight with them, and other seasons in which you barely talk. Usually the changes in season are brought on by external factors, sometimes by internal factors. External factors can include: changes in location (e.g. someone moving away), changes in personal lives (e.g. someone getting into a relationship), arguments/disagreements, etc... the list could go on. Similarly, internal factors can include: changes in personality (e.g. someone becoming a different person), changes in emotion (e.g. growing to dislike someone usually cuz of something that was done, or growing to like them as more than a friend), changes in needs (e.g. someone needing time and space away from you to figure out their own thing), changes in priorities, responsibilities, etc... that list continues too.

These are all pretty basic, factual, well-known. Now for the personal part. As much as I understand all these things and the dynamics of friendships and relationships as a whole, I'm still the kind of person that needs/wants/desires to know why a relationship/friendship is entering a new season. I'm in the mindset that if things are changing I'd like to know why... not that I wanna change those reasons or do anything to disrupt the natural ebbing and flowing of relationships, but simply so that I know what's going on. If someone was to tell me that they couldn't invest time in our friendship anymore cuz of whatever reason, then I'd respect that completely and let them go their way... not to say that it wouldn't hurt and that it wouldn't be hard, but I'm in the complete faith that God has His time and purpose for everything and that truth be told, some people are only meant to be in your life for a specific time. There are other people that are there with you and for you every step of the way, but in all honesty, it's usually a rare occurrence... I know that I have those kinda people in my life and I'm completely and utterly grateful for such blessings. Regardless, to put it bluntly, I hate losing friends or even entering into a season of friendship where we aren't as tight anymore... whatever the reason. Even more so, I hate losing friends without knowing why I'm losing them to begin with. I've come to learn that I'm the kinda person that invests a lot of my heart into my friendships. I care about people a lot and that's probably why I need to know why things change and what not... call it a lack of faith, insecurity, nosiness, or whatever else. Still in the mode of contemplating whether it's a good thing or not to have this need and desire to want to know why things are changing... maybe I just need to have more faith? Maybe I am justified in knowing? Not 100% sure. Thought I'd just put it out there. :P

(Brief update: Work's not going too bad... been learning lots... better update to come)